Just like every other year, time just seems to fly by! Here we are five months into the year already and I’ve had little time to write about Carson’s clubfoot journey and I am about to have another one. For those of you who don’t know, Carson will be a big brother soon, Baby Girl Cross is due in 2 weeks and we can’t wait!
Of course, we are excited to add to our family, however the first four months of this pregnancy brought me a lot of stress and anxiety. I spent countless days and nights thinking about whether she would have CF or not. I know I was the only one who was concerned, but how could I not be? Though I know it’s not hereditary (In our case), I knew that it could possibly happen again. My husband and the rest of my family and friends shrugged it off, but in the back of my mind I was terrified. Some people tried to comfort me by saying, “You’ve already been through it, so this time will be a breeze,” or “The treatment was easy, look at how well Carson is doing,” both statements could be further from the truth!
In early January, we had an anatomy ultrasound and found out she does not have CF. I was so relieved and overjoyed. I wanted to cry tears of happiness, you can ask my Husband, I couldn’t stop smiling! To know that she will not have to endure any of the treatment and to see her straight little feet is something, I think, only a CF parent can truly appreciate.
Now, you might think I’m crazy or overthinking this whole CF thing, but let me explain…We are not professionals at this whole CF thing, it is not a breeze. Sure, Carson tolerated most of it pretty well, but even till this day it is a daily battle and concern. Behind closed doors we are fighting with him to get our 12 hours of bnb in. The older and smarter he’s gotten, the more of the struggle it has been. In the middle of the night he will cry and scream to take them off, and some times he can take them off himself. Some how, I thought that things would get easier as he got older, but we are in a stage right now where he can’t fully communicate so he doesn’t understand why we do it.
Some nights are extremely rough. Some times I’ll remove them, set an alarm for an hour later, wait until he’s in a deep sleep again, and then put them back on. It’s extremely exhausting and I’ll admit some nights we are too tired and forget to put them back on at all. What we’ve resorted to doing is putting the bnb during naps now, some thing we did not do before. Typically, he’ll nap for 2-3 hours now, so we feel that this is one way to make up the 12 hours. Also, because of his BNB he has does not sleep through the night. He has never been a good sleeper, but I do know he sleeps much better when they’re off, but for now it means Mom doesn’t get to sleep through the night either.
Now a days, it’s easy for me to forget the tough days and nights in the beginning, but I know for sure I would not want to have any other baby or parent go through what we did. The fact is, no one wants to put their child through any kind pain, they don’t want their kid to be any different, and they don’t want to go through 4-5 years of what-ifs; so that’s why I am extremely relieved and excited that our baby girl will not have to.
Last month, we also went in for our routine 6-month check-up for Carson’s CF. Each visit I am nervous and concerned by what the doctor might say. Both feet, however, are still looking great and still maintaining their flexibility. His left foot might pose a slight problem in the future, because it tends to curve in on the forefoot more, but as of right now, they are as perfect as can be. Next month, Carson will be two already and that means we are half way done with this journey. It feels so close and yet so far, but I know that things will continue to be great and with another baby here days will blur together and time will fly by quicker than it already is. Until then, I have to try to keep up with my toddler and anticipate the arrival of our baby girl.